Have you ever seen a 4-year-old try to tie his shoes? It takes forever. Fumbling, concentration, starting over. The tongue sticking out in focus. The fingers not quite doing what the brain is telling them to do. And somewhere around minute seven, you realize: this kid is working really hard.
We tend to forget this. Our kids are using massive amounts of energy just to function in the world. And I’m not referring to the energy used trying to please us or not strangle their siblings—just the energy to exist as a developing human being.
Think back to when you were younger, and you’ll probably see what I mean. Someone I know told me, “I didn’t understand a lot of things growing up. In school, at home, kinda everything. But you think I wanted to tell anyone? I just pushed through . . . for years.”
Even bright kids are spending many hours a day processing sounds, sights, emotions, and social cues. They’re making sense of relationships. They’re managing feelings that are bigger than their bodies. (Ever see a 3-year-old have a meltdown over the “wrong” cup?)
They’re learning everything from scratch, all on their own. Reading. Writing. How to be a friend. How to sit still. And they’re doing it every single day, whether we notice or not.
If we take this into account, we might be more careful about how we judge their behavior. When we see them melting down, or spacing out, or acting “difficult,” they might just be exhausted after a full day of being a child.
We wouldn’t expect an adult to be cheerful and cooperative after an eight-hour shift of intense concentration. Why do we expect it from a kid who’s been doing that since he woke up?
If you got through childhood, you can give yourself a pat on the back. And make sure to give one to your kids also.
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Issue 73.
