It’s so awesome to be a Yid. Every year, Hashem goes on a trip, and He comes to visit me! All year round Hashem is accessible – but never as easily as during the month of Elul!
Sometimes I feel distant from my Judaism, and then I want to just stay in my corner and not approach Hashem head on. Do I really want to face the King right now? I don’t want to be judged, I don’t know what Hashem thinks of me these days… I don’t want to think about the commitments I made last year that I didn’t keep to. Maybe I’ll just sit this one out?
But the Baal Hatanya teaches us that during the month of Elul, “Hamelech basadeh,” the King is in the field. A great King who truly cares about every single one of his citizens would go out into the fields, villages, and mountainsides to engage with even the most simple farmers and laborers, even if they don’t know much about the King – and even if they rebel against the King, either intentionally or out of ignorance.
No matter how distant I might feel from Hashem, Hashem travels that distance and shleps out to visit me!
Hashem: “Hello my dear beloved child! I came to visit you! I love you. Come – let’s spend some time together.”
Me: “Wait but Hashem, are you sure you want to visit me? Me?? Maybe you have the wrong Yid… I haven’t really thought about You in a while.”
Hashem: Yes YOU! I miss you! You are my dear and beloved child, and I want to hang around with you for a while. I didn’t come here to bring you your tax bill or to punish you.
Me: “Really, Hashem? You love me, little, rebellious me? You’re not here to punish me? You want to spend time with me? I feel a little dumb ‘cause this whole time I thought you were upset at me because… well, you know…. I’ve done some things that kind of rebelled against your Kingship. I was dreading the process of coming clean from that, and I figured that You were waiting impatiently for me to fix my ways, dangling a whip over my head ready to punish me if I didn’t shape up soon. But it’s very hard for me to improve in every area! I often try to just stop my bad habits, but I always fall back into them after a short amount of time. Adding to the pressure, I thought you were fed up with me! It’s been kind of stressful, with all kinds of self-doubting thoughts going through my head about whether I am a good Yid or not…
Hashem: Yes YOU! I miss you! You are my dear and beloved child, and I want to spend time with you for a while. As I said, I am not here to punish you. I am here to draw you closer, not to push you away.
Me: Boy am I happy You came to visit!! Hashem, I want to spend time with you also!!!!!!!!! I can’t believe after all I’ve done you still love me and came out to visit me and spend time with me. I love you Hashem!
Hashem, at least while You are visiting me I’m gonna be a good host. Come, we’ll learn a little Torah together. I’ll make sure to have quality time to talk to You every day. Please stay for Shabbos Kodesh! I’m going to up my mitzvos while You’re here. Watch me do chessed for your other children; watch me take care of them and treat them kindly. Watch me work on my self- control a bit, to elevate myself with a little more holiness while You are here. Hashem, I doubt I’ll transform myself and achieve spiritual perfection right now, but the least I can do is reciprocate the love you have for me while You are spending time with me.
“Ani Ledodi V’dodi Li: I am to me beloved and my beloved is to me.”
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Issue 4.