I was privileged to have a relationship with the mashgiach of Yeshivas Ohr Somayach, Rav Mordechai Perlman zt”l, for many years. His first yahrtzeit just passed, and I’d like to share a story about him.
Rabbi Perlman once went to buy a new hat, and the seller asked if he wanted any accessories added, such as a colorful band or a feather. He answered, “No, I don’t, and I want you to bring me some acetone so I can erase the brand name from the ribbon on the side of the hat.”
This was a defining factor about the mashgiach. He taught us that the quality of being a “tzanua” isn’t just for women and not just about how to dress. It means knowing deeply that externals are not what defines us. It means living with simplicity. It means that a hat is a hat because it serves as a hat, not because it shows the world what brand of hat you can afford.
How much do we value this priority? We spend so much time teaching our kids the external rules of tznius: what to wear, what not to wear, how to look. And those things matter. But if that’s all we’re teaching, we’re missing the point entirely.
Because tznius starts inside. It’s about building children who know their worth isn’t determined by what other people see. It’s about raising kids who don’t need designer labels to feel valuable, who don’t measure themselves by Instagram ‘likes’ or how impressed everyone else is. If we obsess over how things look to the neighbors, or if we can’t leave the house without everything looking “just right,” we’re giving one type of message. But if we show them that it’s the content that counts, not the appearance, we’re teaching them something else.
A hat is a hat. A person is a person. And what defines us has nothing to do with the label on the ribbon. Yehi zichro boruch.
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Nekuda Tova Listing.
