Chassidus places a big emphasis on the concept of bitul, nullifying one’s ego in service of Hashem. We’re all holding somewhere on a three-part continuum of how we view ourselves, yesh-ayin-yesh amiti.
We come into this world thinking we’re a ‘yesh’ — a somebody with real substance. We see the world through our ego and focus on getting our personal needs met. Somewhere along the line, we can mature in our avodas Hashem, and work to be mevatel (nullify) that ego, getting into a space where we see ourselves as an ‘ayin’ — where nothing is about me or for me, rather, Hashem is the source of everything, and all we care about is Hashem and His honor. From there, Hashem can then turn us into a yesh amiti, a true yesh, where, from His perspective, we become a vessel that He can pour His shefa and ohr down into, because He trusts we will be a conduit for that light to the world. We become a real somebody, because we’re a ‘somebody’ in Hashem’s eyes, not our own. All of us vacillate between these three states, back and forth, at any given time.
Now there’s good news and bad news. I’ll share the bad news first. The more we grow and develop, the more sophisticated our yetzer hara becomes. It doesn’t leave us alone. On the contrary, the coarser, more basic drives reconfigure themselves into more nuanced, subtle thoughts that are harder to spot and weed out. Nowhere is this stronger than in the yetzer hara of our ego, that tries to take kavod for itself, and feed its own agendas. It presents itself as coming from a good place, making it much harder to choose what is truly good.
Precisely when we’re learning and growing to higher levels is when it’s likely for small thoughts of self-importance to creep in. Having a subtle struggle with gaavah might pale in comparison to seemingly big aveiros, but for a righteous person, any thoughts of gaavah stand out like a black dot on a white canvas. These thoughts are actually insidious forms of avodah zara, because they clash with the ultimate truth of ein od milvado, that there is nothing but Hashem, and definitely no independent force (aka us) that has power other than Hashem. Therefore, the voice of gaavah and ego harms a person personally and spiritually.
To help a person, Hashem then sets us up a challenge (read: opportunity) to diminish the ego, and cleanse a person from any self-importance, which prevents them from true closeness with Hashem in this world and the next. The challenge comes in the form of ‘enemies’ or haters, detractors, or any people who attack, ridicule, or try to tear a person down. What is the most spiritually productive approach to dealing with such a nisayon when it shows up in any form, large or small?
And this is where the good news comes in. There is a powerful way to approach these challenges that can turn them into opportunities for tremendous spiritual growth. Rebbetzin S.Y. Schneider beautifully explains a life-changing teaching from the Komarna Rebbe, based on the approach of the Baal Shem Tov, that shows us how.
First, we need to recognize that everything, everything, everything, is sent to us from Hashem, and it is ultimately there to help us. Therefore, if someone is injuring our ego, they have been sent to help us deal with our own arrogance, which may be very minute, but relative to one’s unique level, it still needs to be addressed for one’s personal and spiritual advancement.
Second, we recognize that if we respond by hardening our hearts into self-righteous defense, we are wasting the test sent from Hashem, and then He might need to send it again. Therefore, the only real option is to use the unpleasantness as a trigger to remember that we are indeed ‘nothing’ before Hashem, and there is ‘nothing’ but Hashem. An enemy (in any form) wants to attack a person and make them feel like ‘a nothing’. The least productive way to deal with this is to assert something-ness.
As counter-intuitive as this sounds, when a person comes to show you that you’re a nobody, it’s good to remind yourself that you’re a nobody! If a person is coming to give you the message “you’re an ayin!” then to spend your time defending ‘no, I’m a yesh!’ is counter-productive. Hashem is sending that messenger to give you the opportunity to say “Before You, Hashem, I am an ayin. I have nothing before You. I exist on Your kindness and only wish to serve You and connect with You and be a vehicle for Your light.” With that mindset, we become softer, more humble people, and the ‘hate’ doesn’t bother us as much. This type of bitul can transform us into a real yesh, a yesh amiti, in Hashem’s eyes.
I recently got a freebie educational experience from Hashem to put this teaching from the Komarna into practice. A particular teenager was trying to give me the message that to her I’m a nobody. Despite any attempts at warmth and connection, I got back lots of cold cues that I’m irrelevant, or ‘no shaychus’ in modern day yeshiva vernacular.
My ego would dress up all self-righteous, “why can’t I reach her?” or “I have to figure out how to warm her up.” But to be truly honest, I was just reacting to the ever-so-slight ego snub, that she has no interest in me or whatever I’m about.
But this teaching from the Komarna profoundly changed my thought process. I thought about this teen’s vibe telling me “you’re a nobody”, and I started to think, “Yeah, it’s true, I’m only here to serve Hashem. I do my best to use kochos Hashem gave me to be mashpia to whomever I’m meant to be mashpia to. If she’s trying to tell me that I’m “no shaychus,” then what does it matter? Maybe I’m truly “no shaychus” to her avodas Hashem, and that’s totally fine.” I asked myself, “Am I serving Hashem, or am I serving myself?” I let go whatever ego-expectations I had and moved past it.
Very very recently, I bumped into this teen, and out of nowhere she gave me a real, warm smile. I reflexively gave her a warm smile back. Maybe next week I’ll get another smile from her, and maybe not. Either way, it’s nice to be a nobody.
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Issue 105.
