Emunah often resides in our thoughts, informing our understanding that Hashem Is, Was, and Always Will Be, and that He is running every single detail of the world. But Lived Emunah is characterized by actively seeing Hashem in the details of our lives, and feeling His presence during each moment, noticing Him and including Him as we process our experiences.
How do we get to the serenity and euphoria of lived emunah? And how do we get there during moments of real hardship when the natural feeling might be, “Where on earth are you Hashem!?”
One approach to feeling Hashem’s personal touch, especially when going through something hard, is to ask, “What’s not wrong?” This question may help you start noticing the small details that are still working out, and the little things that are ok right now.
How does this help against the larger backdrop of true difficulty? The reasons why Hashem gives us the difficulty is usually beyond our understanding, but it’s always given for our ultimate benefit. The little things that are not going wrong show us that Hashem is challenging us, but only up until a certain point. There are boundaries of the nisayon we’re in. Though we’re having a really hard time, they show us that the yissurim aren’t endlessly crashing over us.
We learn this awareness when Yosef Hatzaddik was getting sold into slavery in Egypt. The Torah makes a point to mention the perfume-smelling wagons, and Bereishis Rabbah explains that usually the merchandise on those wagons was foul-smelling, but in Yosef’s case, Hashem arranged that the aroma would be more pleasant. There is a natural, skeptical thought over why the perfume would be considered such a nice display of Hashem’s love, when Yosef is literally undergoing the worst moments of his existence!?
The perfume wagons teach us something profound about Hashem’s presence with us as we go through challenges. Every single detail in a particular challenge is orchestrated by Hashem, extracting greatness from us. Nothing is piled on haphazardly. However hard we feel a certain situation is, it is meant to be only that hard, and not one ounce harder. Our nisyonos and yissurim are designed by a good and perfect Hashem, to develop us, but Hashem, in His love and compassion, doesn’t want to test us one drop more than we need to be tested. Our yissurim, however painful, are measured out and given to us only at the necessary dose. Sure, Yosef needed to go down to Egypt, and needed to be sold into slavery, and for some mysterious reason needed the painful experience of his brothers judging and selling him. He needed to go through all of that, but he didn’t need it to also smell bad! The perfume in the wagons shows up to display how loving and kind Hashem is, that He wouldn’t make Yosef suffer one ounce more than he needed to.
The same exact measuring-out is happening for us. Our nisyonos will only show up precisely in the amounts we need, and wherever we can notice something good, we are reminded that Hashem wants every area of our life to be good, and He is only willing to test us up to a certain amount. When we are going through these challenges, any challenges, from a frazzling bedtime, a mortifying experience, or a scary, lonely chapter in life, the awareness of “What’s not wrong?” can be ultrapowerful to transform those intense moments into being able to see Hashem’s love for us peeking through.
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Issue 88.
