Why does my teshuva never seem to last? Why do I find myself working on the same things year after year — and does that mean my teshuva wasn’t real? If I keep falling back, am I actually getting anywhere?
Outer Action
The three step process to Teshuva is: 1) Charata – regret for having sinned 2) Vidui – confession (articulating the sins committed) and 3) Kabbalah al ha’asid – committing not to do the sin again.
Inner Intention
Although those are the three clear practical components of Teshuva it is crucial to understand the core essence of what Teshuva really is.
When the Torah teaches about Teshuva it says “V’shavta ad Hashem Elokecha, you shall return to Hashem your G-d.” When a Yid does an aveirah, he distances himself from Hashem. When a Yid does Teshuva, he is returning to Hashem to live a life of connection and closeness with Him. As the Rambam writes “When he sinned, he was distant, and when he returns he becomes beloved.”
This is the pnimiyus, the core essence, of what Teshuva is. When a person turns his back on Hashem, and acts and feels in a way that is distant from Hashem, then Hashem reflects that sense of distance from him. But the moment a Yid decides to return to Hashem, he is immediately received with love!
Therefore, doing Teshuva is so, so, simple! All you need to do is come before Hashem and say “Hashem, I made a mistake! I followed the lies and deception of my Yetzer Hara, but now I see that it was worthless and brought me nothing but bitterness. Hashem, I regret what I have done and I am coming back to You. From now on I am with You, and I will follow Your ways.
This is the moment Hashem has been waiting for. The moment He hears this, He immediately accepts our Teshuva, erases the past, and we start a crisp, clean, new page in our service of Hashem, a connection of joy and passion.
This is Teshuva — returning to live a life of closeness to Hashem. We still have some work to do. We will need to correct our old mistakes because even if we have returned to live with Hashem, if we have some dirt on ourselves, we need to clean that off.
We also need to improve our future behaviors because if we have truly returned to live with Hashem, and are determined to please our Father in Heaven, we certainly need to be very careful to avoid rebelling against the way He instructs us to live.
This is why Teshuva should be done with true simcha. Teshuva means to return to our Father in Heaven. What greater joy is there than an estranged child coming back to their father’s home, being received by their father’s outstretched arms?
Yes, the child will need to ask their father’s forgiveness and make sure to behave properly from now on. But there is no doubt that the dominant feeling in such a reunion will be pure joy!
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Issue 99.
