Turning last year’s mistakes into this year’s merits
A savvy investor knows how to spot a fixer-upper property, put some work into it, and transform what looked like a liability into a valuable asset.
On Sukkos, we have the opportunity to do the same thing — taking our mistakes and failures, renovating them, and turning them into valuable assets. So how do we begin the renovation?
The Torah gives us a clue. It writes, “ולקחתם לכם ביום הראשון,” referring to the daled minim and instructing us to hold them near and dear to our open hearts on the “first day.”
The first day of what, though? It’s certainly not the first day of Tishrei. Chazal reveal the deep secret that Sukkos is “rishon l’cheshbon ha’avonos — the first day in accounting for our sins.” Understood simply, after establishing a clean slate on Yom Kippur, now is the start of the new year for the purposes of calculating sin.
But let’s look a little deeper.
But is Sukkos really the first day after Yom Kippur? There are a number of days between Yom Kippur and Sukkos! The presumption, it seems, is that everyone is so preoccupied with preparing for the heilgicity of Sukkos, that no one even has a hava amina to do an aveirah!
And this of course is emes l’amitoi. But perhaps in addition to the lack of time, there is a deeper meaning and significance to Sukkos being rishon l’cheshbon ha’avonos?
To gain some clarity, let’s take a look at the various rungs on the teshuva ladder we’ve been climbing throughout this lofty time of year. We begin with what we call teshuva m’yirah, loosely translated as returning from a sense of fear and trepidation. The tzadikim uncover multiple layers within teshuva m’yirah; there is yiras ha’oinesh — which is apprehension of the grave consequences that our actions and thoughts bear. Consequences alone warrant repentance. Then we progress into yiras ha’roimimus; a sublime awareness of Hashem’s omnipresence and we return to Him out of awe, which is quite literally awe-some.
Then we ascend to the highest stage of yirah with yiras ha’chet which the seforim explain to be an utter reverence and uncompromising unwillingness to frustrate our relationship with our Creator. And from the perspective of teshuva, it is our staunch commitment to restore and repair our standing with the Ribono Shel Olam.
All of this is critical and imperative to being a true Oived Hashem. However, it’s all under the boundary-oriented rubric of yirah. It’s all driven by what we don’t want. We get back into shape and stay in-line to avoid consequences, refrain from disrespect and refuse a compromised relationship.
And then there’s teshuva m’ahava, which transcends all of the prior phases of teshuva m’yirah. This is driven by our deep and inherent love for Hashem, the Source of our life and of all existence. It’s not about restoring violated boundaries. It’s about engaging in an intimate closeness out of profound love. As Yidden, we are uniquely positioned to attach ourselves to our Creator by aligning with His will, performing His mitzvos and becoming one with His Torah. All of this yichud and intimacy is experienced by our neshama’s capacity for ahava.
This reality is captured and expressed by the word ahava and echad sharing the numerical value of 13, which reflect the 13 attributes of rachamim that reveal Hashem’s infinite love (אהבה) for, and oneness (אחד) with the Jewish people.
The Baal Hatanya taught extensively that a prerequisite to all ahava is a foundation of yirah. But the goal is to utilize the foundation of yirah to build upon it a massive, beloved edifice of ahava.
To expound upon this, we can focus on the difference between iss’kafya and iss’hapcha. Iss’kafya is a mode of subduing the yetzer hara and batting him away, disregarding what he has to offer, and recognizing it as the emptiness it is. In that sense, we have no use for what is being presented to us. We knock it down, neutralize it and keep it at bay until the next time it inevitably strikes back, and then we fight back again.
Iss’hapcha, however, is the process of taking that which is offered to us by the yetzer hara and transforming that energy into avodas Hashem. If we are overcome by a surge of energy and a passion for something illicit is ignited, we redirect and channel that very energy and passion towards Hashem. As the Gemara teaches (Succah 52b), אם פגע בך מנוול זה משכהו לבית המדרש, if this menuval (the yetzer hara) approaches you, drag him to the Beis Medrash!” (Chi-chi-wah-wah . . .)
It doesn’t say knock him out. It says to shlep him into the Beis Medrash! We are invited to engage in the avodah of iss’hapcha and transform the very energy offered to us by the yetzer hara and let it catapult us into shul for a fire learning seder!
To go even deeper, the seforim reveal that the lure to all indulgence in illicit pleasures — what we call taiva — is the ohr of chessed / ahava that falls to and is trapped by klippah. We get to experience that ohr by refraining from indulgence — and that’s why an erroneous attempt to experience the ohr by indulging is met immediately with a grave disappointment and emptiness. The ohr that was trapped dissipates and flees once the sin is committed.
This is the intent of Chazal’s drasha: ואהבת את ד’ אלקיך בכל לבבך, בשני יצריך ביצר טוב ,וביצר הרע in the edict to love and serve Hashem with all of our hearts; the plural form captures both “chambers” of our heart, the yetzer hatov and the yetzer hara. But how can we love and serve Hashem with our yetzer hara!? It can’t mean to merely disregard and marginalize the influence of the yetzer hara. That would not qualify as serving Hashem with both yetzers. But based on the above, it becomes clear. We incorporate the yetzer hara into our avodas Hashem. We pay close attention to the techunas hanefesh that our yetzer hara embodies in its distorted form of ohr.
Are we predisposed to getting angry? That is the ohr of gevurah that is falling to klippah. We redirect that energy towards avodas Hashem and activate the middah of gevurah in the form of yiras shomayim. Are we inclined to be lured to taivah? That is the ohr of chessed and ahava that is falling to klippah. We transform that energy and channel it to its proper use of ahavas Hashem and ahavas Yisroel (which is, at its core, another form of ahavas Hashem, by which we love every Yid for the חלק אלוק ממעל that he or she is, uniquely revealing a particular ray of divine light).
This is a very practical strategy. When taiva comes our way, we can try to redirect our attention to kind-heartedness for our loved ones. If we can maintain the presence of mind (and not “fall for the shtus!”) we will find it particularly conducive in conjuring up empathy and a compassionate heart, because the yetzer hara already infused us with the energy of ahava. You’re just using the jujitsu move of harnessing the very force and energy he gave you toward your own holy goals. G’vaaalt!
There is an incredibly powerful and succinct quote from Rav Tzodok HaKohen (Tzidkas Hatzaddik, 44) that captures this idea:
מי שיש לו תשוקה גדולה לתאות הגוף אל יתעצב בזה לחשוב כמה פגום הוא שיש לו תשוקה כל כך. כי אדרבא הוא כלי מוכן לתוקף אהבת ותשוקת דרישת האמת
“Someone who has a particularly strong drive towards physical temptations shouldn’t be saddened by this, thinking that he must be defective if he has such desires. On the contrary, this desire is a tool, already prepared for the greatest levels of love and passionate pursuit of the truth.”
We can utilize the holy avodah of iss’hapcha to transform the very passion and energy of ahava that is being offered, encased in klippah, perform a tikun on it, and unleash its flow in its perfected state. We will then experience the true vitality of chessed in the form of holy ahava. Ah Moiridigeh Zach!
And herein lies the secret of teshuva m’ahava and its capacity to transform our transgressions into merits. The Gemara (:יומא פו) quotes one of the greatest ba’alei teshuva of all time, the holy amorah, Reish Lakish, as saying, “גדולה תשובה שזדונות נעשות לו כזכיות, teshuva is so tremendous that it transforms willful sins into merits.” The Gemara then goes on to clarify — in line with the distinction we drew earlier — that this is only true about teshuva m’ahava. Teshuva m’yirah, by contrast, only transforms willful sins into inadvertent ones (זדונות נעשות לו כשגגות).
After we’ve done the important step of iss’kafya, of acting from here, we can then move on to performing teshuva m’ahava. And when we do that, we will reengineer everything the yetzer hara gave us — even that which he successfully tripped us up with — and transform it into valuable assets. Zechuyois mamish!
Back to our original question of why Sukkos is called Yom Rishon. In his seminal piece (made famous by the moshol of המלך בשדה), the Baal HaTanya quotes a pasuk (Shir HaShirim 2:6): שמאלו תחת לראשי וימינו תחבקיני, His left hand is under my head and His right hand embraces me.” He explains that Hashem’s left hand refers to the yomim nora’im, which relate to the gevurah and din, and His right hand refers to Sukkos, which is rooted in chessed and ahava.
Now it all becomes clear. The aseres y’mei teshuva are days of awe-inducing reverence, where our neshama’s capacity for yiras shomayim is particularly unlocked. During this auspicious time, we have the uniquely human opportunity to draw down the revelation of Hashem’s kingdom from its revelation on high, all the way down to this physical and material world. The modality of the time is gevurah, the governing divine attribute is din, and our avodah is one of teshuva m’yirah.
Sukkos, however, begins the yemino techavkini. We are in the loving embrace of the Sukkah. We are surrounded by Hashem’s infinite love and kindness. Chessed is the modality and our avodah is ahava. And this is where and when we achieve the lofty levels of teshuva m’ahava.
The heilige B’nei Yissaschar (אגרא דכלה אחרי מות אות יט׳) quotes the holy Berditchever זי״ע :
ואם כן יום א’ דחג מיקרי ראשון לחשבון עונות, שמביאים לחשבון כל העונות ומחפשין אחריהם, כדי שיתוספו זכיותיהם כי מהם נעשה זכיות
“ . . . Therefore, the first day of Sukkos is called the “first day of calculating sins,” because they bring about an accounting of all of our sins, in order to transform them to merits.”
Now that we can successfully utilize the transformative power of teshuva m’ahava to reconstruct all of our failings into our greatest assets, we can now start to count them all! Rishon l’cheshbon ha’avonos because now specifically with the other-worldly capacity of teshuva m’ahava we can remodel our past, and revamp our entire journey as pure merits. זכויות ממש!
May we all be zoche to cling to the awe and reverence of the yomim nora’im while ascending into the embrace of Hashem’s infinite love as unleashed on Sukkos. Let’s undertake our avodas Hashem with renewed vigor, armed with all of our transformed assets thanks to the power of teshuva m’ahava. Ah gittin yumtiv!
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Issue 100 – Sukkos.
