I find myself frequently getting angry when dealing with my kids. Does the rebbe have any strategies on how to improve in this area?
One should know that when he gets upset and angry at his kids, it is not because of the specific incident that he is confronting right now. It is mainly because he is letting himself get into a “low” environment. When he is dealing with his kids, he is himself going into the shoes of a kid!
The strategy of the yetzer hara is very simple. He knows that when we are on a spiritual high, mochin d’gadlus, we are connected to our real self – our neshamah. At such moments, there is no way he is going to get us to lose control of ourselves, so he puts his main emphasis and strategies on how to get us out of our comfort zone, make us go into a lower atmosphere, disconnected from our real self. This is called mochin d’katnus. He tries to lead us to join the “katnus” of our children, to a younger version of ourselves that is quicker to anger and experiences more intense emotions.
Because of this, the way to fight the yetzer hara is not to actually think of ways to not get angry. Rather one should think of how one can stay connected to himself, in a mochin d’gadlus status even while he is with his children.
The way to do this is by being very clear with oneself that there is an avodah in everything we do, and when we are dealing with our kids we are Hashem’s shliach to care for His beloved children. When we bear this and other similar thoughts in our mind [even subconsciously], we will not lose our comfort zone of mochin d’gadlus, and thus the yetzer hara will not be able to get us upset and angry!
Another example would be irritability, because of being tired. The first step of the yetzer hara is to get us into a mindset, “today is not my day, I am a zombie and can not function properly.” It is a very short trip from that mindset to becoming irritable. The main way to prevent that is to say to yourself at the beginning of the day, “It is true that I am very tired, but I am not afraid of being tired. I can definitely serve Hashem even while being tired!” This way you killed the yetzer hara even before he gained entry!
The main thing is: never lose your true identity. The second you lose it, the yetzer hara and klippos take control!
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Issue 34 Komarna Yahrtzeit Edition.
