I once heard a Rav talk about a certain 17-year-old girl he knew who was being turned down by every school. One principal had told this girl that she didn’t measure up to the standards at that particular institution.
This Rav shared his own reaction: “I wonder what exactly that principal was up to when he was 17?”
I’m not trying to get into school politics. I just mean to point out something: We were also kids once. And teenagers. And adolescents. And tantrumming 3-year-olds who threw themselves on the floor of the grocery store because our mother wouldn’t buy us cereal with the cartoon character on the box.
Not to say that our kids are carbon copies, and not to say that nowadays they don’t somehow find new trouble to get into that didn’t even exist when we were kids. But the fact is, if we’re brave enough to think about it, we probably got into a lot of the same trouble. Raise your hand if you agree. That’s what I thought.
So what does this mean for us? First, it means we need to take a breath before we react. That imperfect report card? That chutzpah? That “creative” excuse for why homework wasn’t done? We’ve been close enough to recognize the territory.
Second, it means our kids deserve the same patience and second chances we got (or should have gotten). The same room to grow, mess up, and try again. Someone gave us the benefit of the doubt when we needed it most. Our kids need the same.
And third, it means the standards we’re holding our kids to should be grounded in reality, not selective amnesia.
Because here’s the truth: Most of us turned out okay. Not perfect—but okay. We became functioning adults despite our younger selves. Our kids will too, if we let them.
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Issue 71.
