Some friends I know closely were having quite a hard time with one of their children.
Their son was anxious by nature, and it was the kind of anxiety that doesn’t stay quiet. He would constantly blow up over small things. He had trouble connecting with kids in school. The house was one of walking on eggshells. His self-esteem was suffering greatly. His parents loved him dearly but couldn’t figure out what he needed.
They tried what parents try. Therapists, different schools, different approaches, segulos. Some things helped at the edges. But they never felt like they’d found it, like they had the clarity of knowing they’d gotten it right.
Then one day, their son got interested in mishnayos.
Nobody planned it. Nobody sat down and said, “This is what he needs.” He was a bright kid; he was curious, and something caught his attention. They encouraged him without pushing, to learn whenever, however much, with no pressure. He started to learn. He’d ask for the p’shat sometimes, memorize a mishna here and there (his own idea, not anyone else’s), and he just kept going, in his own quiet way.
Thankfully, his efforts were celebrated properly, with every mishna and every perek acknowledged along the way, with his rebbeim cheering him on, and his friends coming to him with questions. He finished the masechta, ba’al peh, and the party was no small deal. But the untold story was the bigger deal. The self-esteem issues that had shadowed him for years were quieter. His anxiety, though not entirely gone, had eased in a way that years of effort hadn’t managed.
His parents, when they told this story, were clear about one thing: they could never have come up with that idea. They wouldn’t have known how to implement it even if they had.
We do what we can. We try, we research, we daven, we lose sleep, we ask daas Torah, we call the therapist back. And we should, because that’s our job and it matters.
But there’s a point where we hand it off. Where the solution arrives from a direction we weren’t looking, in a form we never would have chosen. Hashem is also raising our kids, and He has a lot of tricks up His sleeve.
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Issue 92.
