Shortly after our third child was born, we received an unexpectedly large tax refund. I thanked Hashem for the refund, and thanked Him even more when my husband was on board with my suggestion that a portion of it could go towards a nice piece of jewelry for me.
The ring we got was made of three gold bands and had lots of small diamonds on it. The price was good, the timing was perfect, it was beautiful, and came to me through such hashgacha. I really connected to this ring. It was meaningful for me, and I wore it almost daily, with genuine relish.
Just one day this past Pesach, I noticed a diamond was missing from the center. Can I be honest about my reaction here — I felt crushed. Why would Hashem do that to me? He knew how precious that ring was for me. There were a million small things I had gone through and grown from, that really made me feel like I deserved that beautiful piece of jewelry. I was so hurt: why He would just take that diamond from me, for what felt like no good reason.
Every time I looked at the ring over Yom Tov, all I noticed was that little dark slot where the sparkling baguette was supposed to be. This was simchas Yom Tov?
At some point, I told myself a cliche. ‘Stop focusing on what you don’t have, and thank Hashem for what you do have.’ With an open mind, I sat and studied the ring. I looked at each tiny diamond, and decided to thank Hashem for each one that was still nestled there. And then it struck me.
Diamonds come from rocks formed deep within mountains. This means they have been around since the beginning of creation, when Hashem created land. Wait a second, each tiny diamond on my finger has been around since the beginning of time.
I started calculating. Not just the diamonds on my new ring, but on my engagement ring as well. And on my earrings too. Any diamond I own has been created directly by Hashem, and He designated it for me when He created it. Wait, that means before He even created Adam and Chava, Hashem created the diamonds that He knew one day I was going to wear. He fashioned them, and put them aside for me, nestled in some mountain, for thousands of years, till they would get mined, cut, polished, and set into a ring that would bring me, little Shana Cohen, some joy.
Studying my ring, I felt awash with Hashem’s love. Each diamond transformed into a true witness of Hashem’s specific love for me. Those diamonds had sat in the earth’s crust, while the mabul happened, the sea split, and while the Torah was given. They stayed put when the Jews were brought to Israel, and exiled from the land. They were around for all of history, and they emerged, at exactly the right time, by the right messengers, to be brought to me, a child of Hashem, just because He loves me.
The little empty setting in the middle of my ring now took on a whole new meaning. It was the vehicle that brought me to a total-body experience of awe in how much Hashem loves me. He was thinking about me, setting something aside for me, at maaseh bereishis. Earth shattering. Mind blowing. I’m so flattered.
Maybe we’ll wait for another tax refund to replace the diamond. Until then, I’m okay with the missing diamond Hashem took, which caused me to find and feel His love more deeply.
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Issue 83.
