אפשר להתקים ולעמוד לפניך!

shar Lihitkayem V’La’amod Lefanecha! “Hashem! We are able to exist and stand before You!”

Out of all the verses whose roshei teivos spell Elul (and there are many), this is by far my favourite. I’ve never seen a source for it. In fact, I heard it from a random Australian guest at my Shabbos table a few years ago (if that was you, shekoiach gadol, please reach out). It blew my mind, filled my heart and lit up my neshamah: “Hashem! We are able to exist and stand before You!” — אפשר‭ ‬להתקים‭ ‬ולעמוד‭ ‬לפניך. Very awesome.

Now, without getting into the sod hatzimtzum and how it’s even possible to have a finite manifestation in the face of an Infinite, Unchanging, Unified Reality, just the simple fact that we can have an authentic, personal, palpable relationship with Hashem, Avinu Malkeinu, the Infinite, Divine, Conscious, Loving Creator of the Universe, is already mindblowing. What this expansion of the letters of Elul is teaching is the next level: that the relationship does not depend on us being perfect. In fact, adaraba, it’s by showing up as we are, with all our flaws, being authentic, just yearning for connection, that the true relationship is built.

Bilvavi teaches this idea from the Aron HaKodesh. He points out that in the Aron HaKodesh, along with the second tablets, were the original ones which Moshe broke. From this he teaches that you can be broken and still be in the Kodesh HaKodoshim. That’s so deeply profound. Really, we all need to hear this again: you can be broken and still be in the Kodesh HaKodoshim!

Incredibly, this year, after teaching this idea for many years, Hashem showed me an article which quoted the Megalei Amukos, who taught that Elul is the roshei teivos of ארון‭, ‬לוחות‭, ‬ושברי‭ ‬לוחות — in the Aron were the tablets and the broken tablets. Pssshhh! (psshh — פש is also the gematria of mamish — ממש).

The phrase אפשר‭ ‬להתקים‭ ‬ולעמוד‭ ‬לפניך is obviously based on Asher Yatzar. However, unlike in the bracha where we say that if anything is broken we cannot stand in front of Hashem, on Rosh Hashana, even if, or maybe davka because, something about me is broken and I’m not emotionally or spiritually perfect, I can still stand in front of You, Hashem, just as I am. That’s mamish very geshmak.

This is really the secret, and the avodah, of Rosh Hashana, and the answer to a common question: Why is Yom Kippur after Rosh Hashana? Surely we should clean the slate, have a day of confession and remorse in order to purify ourselves, and then show up clean and perfect for “judgement.”

In fact, on Rosh Hashana we don’t do teshuva at all. No confession, no looking to the past. It’s teaching that Rosh Hashana is all about showing up with every part of us and saying, “Hashem, I want You to be King. I want the relationship. I’m willing to work on myself. Hashem, I just want You to know that my kavana, my intention, my kivun, my direction is towards You.”

Imagine a husband and a wife with shalom bayis issues. They go for therapy. Before starting on the work of fixing the relationship, the therapist will ask, “Are you committed to the relationship? Do you want it to work?” If they say, “No,” there is nothing to talk about. If they say, “Yes, we really want it to work!” they can then begin the work of regaining emotional intimacy.

Rosh Hashana is showing up wanting the closest, most intimate relationship with Hashem. Bilvavi teaches that what we are being judged on on Rosh Hashana is not the past; it’s how much we want the relationship. The sound of the shofar is the cry and yearning of the heart for closeness to Hashem. Then, in the Aseres Yemei teshuva and Yom Kippur, and the rest of the year, we can put in the work to create the most real, loving, joyful relationship with Our Father, Our King.

When asked what his favorite bracha is, the Imrei Emes, famous for his Ahavas Yisrael, replied, “בורא‭ ‬נפשות‭ ‬רבות” — “Baruch Hashem, Hashem made so many heiliger Yidden!”

But the bracha continues: וחסרונן — “and their lackings.” Lackings, imperfections, are an integral part of who we are in this world. We thank Hashem for them! They allow for choice, growth, yearning and connection.

The Barditchever (Baruch Hashem, I was born on his yahrzeit, 25th Tishrei) gives a mashal. A king was coming to visit the people in a village to get to know them and their needs and help provide for them. One poor man was very excited and wanted to honor the king on his visit, but he was embarrassed because his house was run-down and he had nothing to offer the king.

So he sold his only goat, promised to work for people in exchange for loans, fixed up his house, bought amazing food, borrowed nice clothes for himself and his family, and even put down a red carpet. The king visited each home, and when he came to this man’s house, he was very impressed and grateful for the wonderful reception he received.

As the king was leaving, the man presented him with a petition for support. The king looked at him and said, “I see that you have everything you need. You’re living a great life. You should be blessed with continued hatzlacha,” and he left.

Rav Levi Yitzchak teaches that Hashem wants to relate to you for who you are, not for who you think He wants you to be.

That’s why, just before Rosh Hashana, we read the pasuk: אתם‭ ‬נצבים‭ ‬היום‭ ‬כלכם‭ ‬לפני‭ ‬ד’‭ ‬אלקיכם. The Zohar teaches that hayom is referring to Rosh Hashana, and the pasuk can be read as saying: “You are each standing here today, with every part of you, in front of Hashem, your G-d.”

On Rosh Hashana, Hashem is not waiting for the perfected version of us, but the real one, the authentic one: the one who shows up, who acknowledges where he is, who yearns for more, and who commits to actually taking steps toward Him in the coming year.