Tefillah is a unique and special time to cultivate closeness to Hashem. The more we view tefillah as such, the more we will develop this feeling of closeness, until we are at a level where we experience His presence like we would the presence of a loving parent or friend. We’ll start to look forward with enthusiasm for this special time of day, when we get to spend quality time with Hashem!
How do we intentionally develop feeling close? We can’t just press a magic button and find ourselves in a place of emotional closeness. The Beyam Darkecha offers us a four-step process to climb the spiritual ladder of closeness to Hashem. (In the world of kabbalah the four rungs on this ladder correspond to the four spiritual worlds paralleling our physical world; assiah, yetzira, beriah, and atzilus, as well as the 4 primary sections of Shacharis – Brochos, Pesukei D’zimra, Shema, & Shmoneh Esrai which, perhaps, we’ll explore in a future article). Each rung has a specific theme on which to focus, and once we internalize its principle, we will merit ascending to the next rung. By practicing a specific set of mental exercises, we will develop a connection where we feel Hashem’s presence with our hearts aflame with warmth and closeness. This ‘formula’ is one that can be used in all areas of service of Hashem, but is particularly helpful during davening.
Absolute Commitment
The first level is kabbalas ohl, accepting our responsibilities as Yidden, and fully committing ourselves to Hashem:
Hashem, no matter what I’m going through or how I am feeling – whether I am feeling spiritually connected, or physical and distant, I am 100% committed to my relationship with You. I am devoted to performing Your mitzvos and keeping the Torah. I substitute my needs, ego, and desires for Yours. The most important thing to me is to be your agent. If my actions don’t reflect this intention, please help me change my thoughts and habits to align them with Your will.
Feelings of Love and Awe
Once we have internalized that we are agents of Hashem, and feel with absolute conviction that we have accepted our responsibilities as Yidden, we progress to the next level. In the second level, we allow our feelings of commitment to elevate into ahava, yirah, and dveikus by thinking thoughts of our love, awe, and attachment to Hashem.
Hashem, I love you so much! I know You are always with me, guiding me, and orchestrating everything that happens around me with my best interest in mind. I am in awe of the infinite wisdom through which You run the world. Even though my mind will never fully grasp You, I am in awe of the little glimpses You give me. Please gift me a few moments of feeling close, reveling in our connection.
Deep Yearning and Passion
Once our hearts are lit up with these thoughts, we allow our feelings of love, awe, and attachment to elevate into hishtokekus, a deep yearning for Hashem, and hislavos, – the desire to serve Hashem with a flaming passion:
Hashem, I really, really want to be close to You! The more I reflect, the more I realize how small and distant I am; yet, the more I long for closeness! I wish I could always serve You with flaming passion, to experience my true self, my holy neshamah which is a part of You. I just want to spend time with You and not be distracted by the world around me.
Self-Nullification
The purpose of thinking thoughts of commitment (#1), is to get us to feelings of love (#2), which leads to a deep yearning (#3), which leads to the fourth and highest rung on the ladder, the experience of bittul, total self-nullification (#4). Bittul cannot be described, only experienced. In simple terms, it is the highest possible feeling of closeness to Hashem; the realization that Hashem’s glory fills the entirety of existence, including our own and we cease to be independent entities. Bittul is the ultimate internalization of “ein od milvado”, there is nothing outside of Hashem; it is both the simplest and deepest reality of the world. There are infinite levels of how much we can experience it and, although the highest levels are far beyond our reach, let’s not allow the deepness of true bittul get in the way of starting at our level and working our way up. The pathway to bittul starts with a very simple formula: we deepen our perceptions of ein od milvado, by internalizing more and more that EVERYTHING is Hashem.
Next time you want to feel closeness to Hashem (right now?), give this formula a shot, and see where it takes you.
Next week we’ll discuss several strategies to use when inner connection seems unattainable.
קבלת עול מלכות שמים > אהבה, יראה, דביקות > השתוקקות והתלהבות > ביטול
Absolute commitment > Love, awe, attachment > deep yearning and passion > self-nullification
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Issue 3.