The Hidden Light

And the world was shrouded in darkness… And G-d said let there 
be light. And there was light.

This special light was so great it pierced through all the concealment. It was so powerful, so sacred, and so profound. You could see from one end of the world to the other. You could see into the souls of other people. What could happen, though, if this light fell into the wrong hands…

So G-d said: “I am hiding this light.”

Do you know where He hid it? He hid it in the Torah. He hid it in the light of Chanukah.

So this is where we begin.

Do you know what darkness is? It is when I feel so lost in my life. So lost. I am going through the motions, but I don’t feel so turned on to do mitzvos. I am not excited. I am dragging my feet. I’m lost in the rat race. So I need some light. And here is the first step.

So chevra, I want you to meditate on the following with me: Imagine you are standing in a pitch black room, and I tell you that in this room, there is an expensive crystal vase sitting on the table. And you tell me that you don’t see a single thing because it is pitch black! You don’t see it. But it is there. Just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there. The crystal vase is there. What do you need in order to find it? Some light.

So we walk through this world, and we feel ‘Where are You Hashem? It’s so dark! I don’t see You!’ But then I remember: just because it’s dark doesn’t mean You are not here right now. You are here right now. And this little thought is already the beginning of the light.

On Chanukah we light 36 candles (without the shamesh). Our Holy Rabbis teach us that these 36 candles correspond to the 36 hours that Adam and Chava were in the Garden of Eden. Because you see what it is; even after Adam ate from the tree, and he knew he was going to be pushed out of the garden, Hashem said: “I am going to give you 36 hours of this special light. And I will hide it for you, for whenever you may need it for the rest of your life. And for the rest of all our lives. Because even when it gets dark, so dark, you will know that I AM HERE.” 

 ואפילו‭ ‬בהסתרה‭ ‬שבתוך‭ ‬הסתרה‭ ‬בוודאי‭ ‬גם‭ ‬שם‭ ‬נמצא‭ ‬השם‭ ‬יתברך

This is the Ohr Haganuz. The hidden light. Where is it hiding? In the 36 mesechtas of Shas, in the heart of every single one of us when we learn Torah Sh’ba’al Peh.

What is Torah Sh’ba’al Peh? It’s that I’m learning Tosfos, and it’s so deep and challenging, and I feel that there is so much more to this that I don’t know and don’t yet see, because it’s dark… and then it touches me in the deepest way. Right here in this challenge, in this moment of my life, late at night in the Beis Medresh: Hashem, you have been with me all along. In this darkness is You Hashem. You are right here, right now. Let that sink into your heart: you are right here, right now, Hashem. You were always here. 

The written Torah is for all humanity, but the Torah Sh’ba’al Peh is the special bris we made with You, Hashem. The Nation that walked in darkness will see a great light. 

Can you imagine how much darkness we have walked in as a nation for the last 2,000 years? There are no words. But we are here to stay. And our light is growing stronger.

Here is where we get to the dreidel.

The dreidel has 4 sides. Our sages teach us that these four sides correspond to the 4 exiles of the Jewish Nation: Babylon, Persia, Greece and Rome. In a world of darkness, it seems that whichever way the dreidel drops, it is a challenge — it is darkness. But my dear Rebbe, Rav Yoel, always points out that the dreidel has four sides when it is not in motion. It is a square. A square is multiplicity, fragmentation, separateness. 

Because you see what it is. When we are in exile, things feel separate. I may feel distanced. I may feel alone. So we spin the dreidel, and we turn a square into a circle. No more sides, no more separation, no more darkness. Only one point: You Hashem. In all the exiles, You were there. In all the darkness, You were there. I just need to spin the dreidel and turn the square into a unifying circle. In all the moments of challenge, You are here. I now see the crystal vase on the table. It is getting brighter, because You have always been — and You always will be — here to help the Jewish People move towards our ultimate destiny.

Each night we light another candle. The Ohr Haganuz is getting brighter. I am a part of Jewish destiny.

Sit by your candles with the ones you love. Look deeply into the light. Let your own individual light shine, because Torah Sh’ba’al Peh needs your soul to share its voice.

A lichtigen Chanukah!