In this Hallelukah we thank Hashem for His most valuable gift of all, the gift of life itself.
אֲהַלְלָה ד׳ בְּחַיָּי אֲזַמְּרָה לֵאלֹקי בְּעוֹדִי
I will praise Hashem while I live, I will make music to Hashem while I exist.
One of the klipos we need to battle during davening is the one that tries to convince us that our worthiness to stand before the Creator of the World is dependent on our actions. This klipah tries to create a barrier between us and Hashem, where no barrier exists. It convinces us that there is a certain amount of spiritual accomplishment we must have to be worthy of speaking to Hashem.
Yes, one can cling to Hashem through learning for many hours, giving tzedakah and doing chessed, improving our middos, and so on. But there is also a deeper form of connection to Hashem, and that is the intrinsic attachment that we have with Hashem that is not bound to anything we do. It is the mere fact that we are alive and we are Yidden that forms the strongest bond between us and Hashem. (This concept is sometimes called “Dveikus Etzem, Nekudas Ha’etzem, or Nekudas Ha’Yehudi.)
The attachment between a parent and a child is not dependent on the child’s behavior. A parent loves a child who misbehaves as well. Nothing a child can do can make them more – or less – of a child of their parents. Since the love is based on the relationship, the child’s behavior isn’t a factor in the intrinsic love that a parent has for their child.
Sometimes we may show up to davening with a nice list of accomplishments to show Hashem, and sometimes we feel like we’ve got nothing to show. We must never forget that the most powerful list we can show up with is this one: 1) I am a Yid! 2) I am alive! Everything else we can add to that list is a nice extra, but if we don’t have these 2 on our list, the rest of the list is meaningless.
I will praise Hashem while I live, I will make music to Hashem while I exist.
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It is so important to remember that our greatest asset in our davening is our Dveikus Etzem, our intrinsic attachment to Hashem. The yetzer hara tries to convince us that we need to experience a spiritual high, feeling the ohr of dveikus, in order to daven. As wonderful as it is to feel dveikus, relying on it is a setup for failure.
We are warned about this in this Hallelukah. Al tivtichu b’nidivim, can also be understood as “Do not rely on ‘nediv-lev,’ generosity of the heart,” meaning do not rely on having a heart that is aflame with passion and a tangible sense of dveikus to Hashem. If our connection to Hashem is dependent on such feelings “Teitzei rucho yashuv l’admasoi, When his spirit departs he returns to his earth, when those feelings and passionate spirit isn’t there, Bayom hahu uvdo eshtonosav, on that day all his plans perish, at such a moment we will feel distant and disconnected from holiness, and lose our ability to stand before Hashem.
If our connection to Hashem is dependent on our Nekudas Haetzem, and not on our emotional or spiritual feelings on any particular day, then our davening can never be weakened or ruined, no matter what is going on in our life.
Moment of Mindfulness: As you say this Hallelukah, thank Hashem for the greatest gift of all: the fact that you are a living, breathing, Yid – a child of Hashem. This is the source of your intrinsic, unbreakable attachment to the Creator of the World.
Don’t let the yetzer hara ‘steal your davening’ by making you think that you are only worthy of standing before Hashem if you have long list of mitzvos and merits, or if you are in a state of passion and emotional connection. Show the yetzer hara your “credentials:” 1) I am a Yid! 2) I am alive!
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Issue 30.