Thank You Hashem, I am in a position where I am zoche to (try to) help Yidden who are going through various challenges in their avodas Hashem. Over the years, I’ve started to see patterns in what seems to be a set of four stages in the journey of a Torah Jew who is searching for more meaning, passion, and joy in their Yiddishkeit. There are no mareh mekomos here; these are just my observations as a Yid who likes to help other Yidden grow closer to Hashem.
I recently shared these observations with a few chevra, and made up the term “The 4 Stages of a Growing Yid.” Just pointing out these stages seemed to spark reflection, as each person tried to figure out which stages they might be in, either in a general sense or with regard to various aspects of their Yiddishkeit. Most importantly, it sparked a lot of conversation about how to grow. I submit this to the Nekuda Tova with the hope that perhaps this concept can trigger reflection, conversation, and growth for more Yidden.
Level One: Spiritually Ok
Level One is a Torah Jew who is content with his Yiddishkeit. He does what he needs to do, keeps the mitzvos, checks the boxes, and tries to avoid aveiros. But he does not have a deep, meaningful, passionate relationship with Hashem. His heart may be a bit cold, but this is not yet a pain point for him. Perhaps he is not aware that an inner dimension exists, that Hashem wants his heart. In our context the point is that he is not bothered by simply going through the motions. This is what he knows; this is what he does.
Level Two: Spiritually Frustrated
Level Two is a Torah Jew who is not content with going through the motions. He doesn’t feel fulfilled with check-the-box Judaism. People around him might seem to be fine with it, but he is not. He feels an ache in his soul for something deeper, something higher. He is spiritually frustrated. In Level Two, he is doing the same thing as level one, the only difference is that in Level One he was fine with that, and in Level Two he is not.
Level Three: Looking for Hashem
Level Three is the category I use for as Yid who is developing a meaningful and personal relationship with Hashem and has found ways to express it. This can take many different forms, both in how he comes to discover Hashem and in how he expresses that connection. The common denominator is that his relationship with Hashem feels separate from Torah and mitzvos.
As an example, someone shared with me something to this effect: “I keep Torah and mitzvos but don’t find it meaningful. I find meaning in my relationship with Hashem in other ways like in nature or meditation, but I struggle to find that joy and passion in learning, Shabbos, mitzvos, and Halacha. Nevertheless, because I know that it is what Hashem wants from me, I still go through the motions.”
Level Four: Connecting with Hashem Through Torah and Mitzvos
In Level Four, a Yid realizes that Hashem is right here in Torah and Mitzvos. He starts to see that every single word of Torah he learns and tefillah he davens, every mitzvah he does and every halacha he keeps, are all ways he attaches himself to Hashem. Not only is it possible to experience a passionate and meaningful relationship with Hashem through mitzvos and halacha, but one realizes at this level that Hashem gave us all of these holy touchpoints as mechanisms to come close to Him specifically because He wants us to have a relationship with us.
Obviously, within Level Four there is a spectrum, and it is meant to be a lifetime of work. I might start my Level Four with a geshmak in davening, or an incredible kumzits or farbrengen, or through Shabbos or chessed. The goal is to grow step by step, until every single mitzvah, halacha, and minhag is experienced as another trailhead taking me closer to Hashem. This does not mean that I understand the reason for every mitzvah, and it does not mean that I feel warmth and closeness from every mitzvah yet. It means that my passion is driven by the fact that since Hashem instructed me to do these things, doing them will bring me closer to Him. And although I love it when I feel that connection, I know it is happening even when I don’t.
In this level, my outer actions of Torah and mitzvos are fueled with inner meaning and connection, and even when I don’t feel great, and even when I go through various challenges in life, I stubbornly remain loyal to Hashem.
The above are not four stages that everyone should or will go through. I’m just sharing various stages I’ve noticed after meeting Yidden at different points in their avodas Hashem.
Naturally, these observations have left me with many questions. Is there a way to reach Level Four without going through the challenges and pitfalls of Levels Two and Three? If someone finds themselves stuck on a certain level, how do they move forward? Are there other levels that I’ve completely missed?
What do you think?
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Issue 93.