Last week, we began addressing someone who feels discouraged in learning because he doesn’t have enough time or focus to review properly, and therefore forgets much of what he learns. He wonders if his learning still has value. We explained that the true value of Torah study lies not in what we remember, but in the etzem connection it creates between a Jew and Hashem. Just as the yetzer hara for avodah zarah in earlier times distorted a person’s essence, today’s struggles with distraction and materialism are its modern form. The way to fight back is by reconnecting to our etzem kedushah — our essential holiness. When we learn, we nourish our neshama and attach to Hashem Himself. Even if we forget the words, the connection remains. The Rebbe continues …
In the writings of the Arizal, we rarely find references to a person’s feelings. One of the few exceptions is regarding Torah study. In Sha’ar HaMitzvos, Parshas Va’eschanan, he writes:
“The mitzvah of Torah study… I will first write about the matter of forgetfulness that exists among people, for it brings laziness and prevents them from engaging in Torah study. They say that, Heaven forbid, their efforts are wasted, since everything they learn is eventually forgotten. But in truth, through his toil and effort in learning Torah, a person refines and repairs his soul. And even if he forgets what he learned, his effort is not in vain, Heaven forbid, because in the World to Come, everything he forgot will be reminded to him.”
The seforim teach that this also applies when someone doesn’t fully understand his learning. Whatever he learned in this world will be taught to him again in Olam Haba. Of course, one must try to understand and remember, but if he cannot, for whatever reason, he will be reminded of whatever he learned in this world. However, what one never learned here will not be his in Olam Haba.
On a deeper level, Hashem’s light is revealed in this world through the Torah. The ohr of Hashem is infinite, and to appear in this finite world, it needs a levush (something to clothe itself in) — that levush is Torah. Our neshamos are connected to Hashem panim b’panim, face to face, and Torah is the nourishment that allows that connection to exist. This is how the infinite meets the finite.
We live in a generation where so many people have a hard time concentrating on learning, and where many people suffer from ADD/ADHD, which makes it very hard to learn in a focused way and retain the learning. For such people, learning for the sake of remembering it all is extremely difficult. But nothing is by accident; Hashem didn’t just orchestrate this reality so that many people won’t be able to have a part in Torah, chas v’sholom! This just reiterates the message that that is not the main purpose of learning Torah! Hashem wants to bring us to a place of real connection with Him. He wants that our learning shouldn’t just be because it feels good, but because our neshama is connected to Hashem unconditionally — we are close to Him no matter what! This is called learning Torah in a way of etzem (intrinsic attachment).
This is a preparation for the Geulah, when we will be zoche to connect to Hashem’s light both through the levushim and also in a more direct way, even without the levushim. So as we prepare for the Geulah, the light of Kabbalah and Chassidus is spreading, allowing us to get a taste of many different ways to cling to Hashem.
Within Torah learning as well, if a Yid has a hard time focusing enough to internalize and remember everything he learns, then his takeaway from his learning is only his improved relationship with Hashem, and that is a way Hashem is inviting him into the higher avodah of etzem — knowing that “I am a chelek Elokah mima’al mamash unconditionally!”
Of course, if one is blessed with a sharp mind and strong memory, that is a wonderful gift. But this doesn’t take away from the immeasurable value of learning for those who struggle to retain what they’ve learned.
In this generation, we see this in all parts of avodah, not just limud haTorah. For example, one who wants to watch over his eyes tries his best, but we live in a time where it’s basically impossible to fully guard your eyes, and this can make one feel, “I’m anyways not matzliach in guarding my eyes properly, so my avodah isn’t worth anything.” But this is completely wrong! Maybe if we’re only measuring ourselves based on what we saw, this can somewhat seem correct, but Hashem wants us in this generation to go up a level — to know and feel that even if the outcome of our avodah is far from perfect, these nefilos don’t change who I am. I am a chelek Elokah mima’al! I am great, I am b’etzem good, and nothing can overshadow this!
This also gives one the courage to overcome nisyonos. When you know how holy you are, it’s easier to overcome.
Practically speaking, each of us should establish a fixed time to learn different parts of Torah — Mishnayos, Nach, Gemara, and so on. Do it at a set time, after Shacharis or whenever works for you. When you do it b’kevius, even if you don’t understand or remember enough, you’re telling Hashem, “I’m connected to the Torah no matter what.” This is true for every Yid — whether you’re a busy businessman or a kollel yungerman — make a strong kvius to learn different parts of Torah.
Certainly, one should also try to have a seder where one learns to understand the Torah in depth, but even if you fall short of that, see the tremendous value of learning even when you don’t retain it all!
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Issue 58.