You know what a miracle is? A miracle is when you think Hashem is not there, and then all of a sudden, you can see Him, and feel Hashem saying, “Ani Kan. I am here.”
Human beings can also do that. Human beings can also say to Hashem. “I know, Ribbono Shel Olam, that it looks like I’m not here. I know it looks like I haven’t been here. But the real truth is that I’m still here with you.”
The Baal Shem Tov has an illustrious grandson, the Rebbe Reb Baruch Mezbitzer, zechuso yagein aleinu. One Friday night, by the tish, he didn’t begin speaking. Over and over again, it looked like he was going to start speaking, but then he held back, unable to begin. Until finally, after some time, he became settled and began the singing and divrei Torah.
After the tish, one of the Chasidim came over to him and asked him, “Rebbi, what happened? What was wrong that made you hesitate so much before beginning the tish?”
The Rebbe answered as follows: “My custom is that whenever I come into the tish Friday night, I look around at all the Chassidim, and I see in their eyes what happened during the week. I see in their eyes what their eyes had seen during the week. And I tried to learn from each of you some area of avodas Hashem that I could improve in myself.
Tonight, there was one chassid that came in, and when I looked in his eyes, they were so dark. He had seen such horrible things this past week that I simply couldn’t bring myself to come into the tish. What could I learn from this person?
I pondered this for a few minutes, trying to find a way that I could learn from the chassid. Until finally I realized something remarkable. If I would have looked at what he looked at during the week, if I had done what he had done during the week, I never, ever would have come to a Friday night tish. I never would have gone to the Rebbe. What I learned from him is that, even if you have a setback in avodas Hashem, and it’s not going the way you wanted it to go, you still show up to tIsh. You still come to Hashem and say “I’m here. I’m not giving up. I want to be better: “Ani Kan. I am here.” When a Yid can bring himself to do that, that is a miracle.
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Issue 52.
