A man steps into a courthouse notorious for harsh sentences and unforgiving judges. Everyone in the waiting room is visibly terrified, knowing there is little chance of a positive verdict for them. The man sits on a wooden bench to await his turn, humming calmly as the time slowly passes. Humming does not work well with nerves, and finally, the man next to him explodes. “Will you stop humming?! Why in the world are you so calm? We are all going to have harsh sentences at the end of today!” The man smiles and explains, “I’m being tried in courtroom number three.” His seatmate blinks. “And?” “And the judge in courtroom number three is my father.”
A father will always search for a reason to find his son not-guilty. He loves his child and will do anything to make things good for him. As we head into the Yamim Noraim, we have the awareness
that everything is at stake along with the confidence that the judge is also our Father. Hashem does not just judge – He searches for excuses to forgive us. What kind of king searches for an excuse to pardon someone who broke the law? Only the Av Harachamim, a Father, who loves His children so much, who is םימחרב םייחל וירוצי רכוז. He is Avinu Malkeinu – before Hashem is our King, He is our Father.
So how do we get into Hashem’s courtroom? According to Rabbi Zechariah Wallerstein ztz”l, when you have a relationship with Hashem, He says, “Oh, that one? That one’s mine, he’s my kid.”
If so, how do we build that kind of relationship with Hashem? A good place to start is with a yesod from Rav Uri Zohar. Rav Zohar was an influential celebrity in the secular Israeli world before becoming a Rav who impacted thousands. He explains the pasuk from Ashrei: ויארק לכל ׳ד בורק, .תמאב והארקי רשא לכל
“Hashem is close to all who call out to Him; to all who call out to Him in truth.” Rav Zohar points out that the pasuk specifies תמאב. To the one who calls out with truth. With honesty. With authenticity. To be real in a relationship is to say how you really feel − and you are allowed to, He is your Father. But you have to be real.
We live in such an externally-focused world we hardly remember what being real is. A person can go their whole life without having to think about why we are here. They can say and do everything right on an external level, but rachmana liba bai − Hashem wants our hearts, He wants our authentic selves to show up. In a world where you can be anything − be real. This means that if you are numb, if you can not daven, if you do not feel the relationship with Hashem − then tell Him. If you are having a hard time talking to Hashem, tell that to Him. And when you call out to Hashem b’emes, He is listening to every single word − even the ones you do not say. A father can not ignore the cries of his son − and He does not want to. We often struggle with tefillah because we do not believe in our own greatness or in the love that Hashem has for us even when we feel far from greatness. Hashem waits all day to hear from us. You can imagine a chosson waiting and waiting to speak to his kallah. When she finally calls, he is so excited to hear from her! Talk to Hashem, because He just wants to hear from you. Hashem wants to hear how you are doing. Remember: Hashem made you, He made your situation, He knows exactly what you are going through − He is the One that put you there! Ask Him for help. And if you feel like you can not daven, tell Him. Being honest is a pathway to connection and closeness with Hashem.
Hashem is a םייחב ץפח ךלמ – He wants us to live. He is on our team. He wants us to do teshuva. That seems easier said than done… but not really. Sometimes just believing in the power of teshuva is the hardest part. Often, we do not really think our teshuvah matters or that it works. But it is so simple − ki karov eilecha hadavar meod. Many times, we think that if we need to do teshuvah, grow, or become better people, it is all on us. Like it’s our fault that we messed up and it’s up to us to fix the mess we made all by ourselves. But that isn’t true. We can even ask Hashem for help to do teshuvah.
In fact, my favorite tefillah on Yom Kippur is this exact concept. After we finish viduy, where we list all the ways we have sinned, we stand before Hashem, and from this humbled place we continue: Hashem, even before I was born I was not worthy, kal v’chomer now − harei ani lifanecha kichli malei busha v’chilma − here I am, standing before you like a vessel filled with shame and humiliation. It is at this climax that we ask honestly, “‘ד ךינפלמ ןוצר יהי דוע אטחא אלשׁ יתובא יקלאו יקלא. Hashem, please help me not sin again.” It’s that simple − we just have to ask Hashem for help.
When you look for it, you will find this request for help everywhere in davening. We ask at the end of Shemonah Esrei: Kadsheinu bimitzvosecha − Hashem, make me kadosh with the mitzvos that I do, help me want to do mitzvos. Sabeinu mituvecha − There is so much stuff out there that we turn to in order to fill the holes in our lives − Hashem, satisfy me with Your good, I do not want to turn to the other things. Let a life of Torah be enough, that I do not feel the need to look elsewhere. Mituvecha − Your good is so good, I just do not know how to feel it − help me feel kedusha, help me know what Your good is. And then we ask: Vetaher libeinu li’avdecha b’emes – Hashem, please make my heart pure so I can serve You b’emes. Again, we see this concept of serving Hashem from a place of emes. Hashem, please take away all the things that are blocking my heart, all the things that are stopping it from being tahor, the things that are stopping me from serving You and only You b’emes. We can ask Him to give us the motivation, the strength − or even ask Him to remove the taiva, the pull of a certain thing. We forget, maybe because it is so basic, to just say “Hashem, You made me like this. You made me want that, or fall when it comes to this area. Please help me work on it and grow out of it.”
We all have lists of things that we want; it is not hard for Hashem. Nothing is too impossible. Of course, we have to know that not everything is good for us; when we daven, sometimes our Abba says no. Singles in shidduchim live this reality every day. As Rachel Burnham, who waited many years for her zivug, puts it: “Hashem – I love You when You bring me my shidduch, and I love You when You do not.” And this applies to anyone waiting for something: Hashem, I love You when You bring me my yeshua, and I love You when You do not. But I know that You could, and I know that You will when it is right for me. Nothing is too hard for Hashem, and everything He does is with the endless love and rachmanus of a Father.
And when you have this, when you can confidently say that Hashem is your Father, your King, and your best friend, then you have everything. And at the end of Yom Kippur, when the gates close − they are going to close with you inside.
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Nashim Tzidkaniyos 2.