Tiferes is harmony and balance between chesed and gevurah, the result of which is rachamim. True compassion is the outcome of the right balance between giving and restraining.
For example, when two parents disagree over whether to give something to their child, it is not because one likes the child more and one less, but rather they are disagreeing over what is best for the child. True empathy doesn’t lead to unlimited giving, but rather to compassionate giving, which is giving in a way that is best for the recipient.
This week, we will explore various ways we can enhance the harmony and balance of our middos.
DAY 15 חסד שבתפארת
When we see a fellow Yid going through a difficulty, we naturally feel sad or bad for that person. The goal is to give out of true empathy, and not merely because we feel bad and want to feel better. But chesed within tiferes means that it is still a good step to give in order to help ourselves feel better, but even that needs to have balance.
- Do I find myself doing chesed that is driven by my own emotions?
- Is that a good thing, or does something need to be changed or balanced?
DAY 16 גבורה שבתפארת
We don’t want our kindness to be limited to times that we are emotionally inspired to give. Gevurah within tiferes means that since I know that giving should be done for the sake of the recipient, and not my own, I push myself to give even when I do not feel very pulled or inspired to give.
- Can I push myself to empathize with another Yid’s tzara even if I am not instinctively pulled by his story?
- Can I push myself to give when I don’t feel the recipient is worthy of receiving?
DAY 17 תפארת שבתפארת
Tiferes is a clear, rational balance that takes everything into account. Tiferes within tiferes is true rachamim, balanced compassion, where I give in the right way and for the right reasons.
- What are the motivations behind my good middos?
- Where is my chesed too emotional or not empathetic enough?
DAY 18 נצח שבתפארת
We are often pulled to feel empathy towards others, or even towards ourselves. Often, these feelings can just feel like fleeting emotions, and we might not experience them as “real” or purposeful. Netzach within tiferes is our ability to channel our empathy and direct it into concrete action.
- Do I let my empathy come and go, or do I jump on a feeling of empathy to turn it into action?
- What does that ‘action’ look like if I don’t have the ability or resources to actually help someone (or myself) in need?
DAY 19 הוד שבתפארת
When empathy is not filled with and surrounded by humility, it is often our own ego that is pulling on us. “Look at that poor guy, let’s give that nebach some help or throw him a word of chizuk”.
Real empathy comes from a deep recognition that no one is perfect. I have my own failures, and so I can relate to my friend’s failures too.
- When I feel empathetic toward someone, do I feel that I am better than them?
- Do I feel like I am helping him out, or do I see myself as nothing more than a tool of Hashem, who is using me to help another Yid?
DAY 20 יסוד שבתפארת
We connect to our fellow Jews when we make room in our hearts for them. The nature of yesod is connection, and yesod within tiferes is our ability to connect deeply to another Yid by thinking about them, caring for them, and helping them.
- Who, except for myself, is worthy of my love and care?
- Do I allow others to help me, or do I close myself off to the chesed of another Yid?
DAY 21 מלכות שבתפארת
The middah of malchus always means to take what we’ve learned and convert it from concept to reality. Even if there doesn’t seem to be a huge opportunity in front of us right now, we can express our balanced empathy in even something as simple as a sincere and loving word of encouragement to a fellow Yid. Malchus within tiferes means it is not sufficient for me to have good intentions in my heart; I will do something, even if it is “small”!
- Do I find myself being empathetic to someone, but then “getting over it”, without doing something about it?
- What can I do right now?
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Nekuda Tova Listing.