Based on Beyam Darkecha, Darkei Avodah L’Maaiseh
True ahavas Yisroel is to love every Yid with an ahava she’eino telu’ya b’davar, a love that is not dependent on anything. This is the kind of love that Hashem has for the Jewish people. We are all one soul, one united entity called “nishmas Yisroel.” Just like you’d love every part of your body even if one of your limbs is hurting you, we love every Yid even if we are bothered by some of them. However, at the end of the day, we are all human, and sometimes a fellow Jew may do things that can make it difficult to love them. Here are some common scenarios along with strategies we can try to use to navigate them.
What if a Yid Causes Me Pain?
When a fellow Jew causes you pain, try to think thoughts of emunah. The truth of reality is that no form of discomfort or pain, physical or emotional, can happen unless it was decided in Heaven that it would happen. As the Talmud says (Chulin 7b) “A person can’t injure even a finger in the world below unless it was decreed as such in the Heavens above.” Therefore, the Yid who was the source of this discomfort was not, in fact, the source, but rather the messenger, to carry out the Will of Hashem. Daven to Hashem that you merit to see this Yid as only the messenger, and that you merit to continue to love him or her. (Then, of course, take up the issue with the true source of the tzara – ask Hashem to make the pain go away!)
This kind of emunah requires contemplation; it doesn’t come automatically. The more the pain is, the harder it is to not associate it with the person who caused it. Take your time to try to fully internalize the Talmudic teaching quoted above. Immerse yourselves in these thoughts of emunah, and with the help of Hashem you will come to the realization, that not only is this Yid merely a messenger, but also that Hashem loves you and that Hashem is kind, compassionate and merciful. Anything He does is, without exception, tov me’od, exceedingly good, and He would only send a challenge that is somehow ultimately for your benefit.
What if a Yid is Sinning?
Another area that causes one to feel a sense of distance from a fellow Jew, is when we see a Yid behaving inappropriately in their service of Hashem. For someone who loves Hashem, it can seem hard to love a Yid who isn’t following the ways of the Torah, and one might feel a need to distance himself from such a person. Think good thoughts, and be as creative as you possibly can, stretching the limits of your imagination to find a way to judge the Yid favorably.
Every Yid wants to be close to Hashem. If a Yid sinned, it’s not because he or she wants to rebel against Hashem! We are in exile, and the yetzer hara lays traps and works so hard to get a Jew to sin. If a Yid slips, it’s because he was confused and accidentally fell for one of these tricks. This behavior does not in any way represent his core identity! We can go even further and try to feel for the pain of the Yid’s neshamah, as Rav Yussie Zakutinsky writes: “Every single Jew, without exception, longs with all their heart and soul to cleave to Hashem. Any thought, speech, or action not directed for Hashem is foreign to the true nature and character of the Jewish soul. We must feel profound internal pain and infinite compassion for the immense suffering of the soul of every Jew who does not live a life true to his or her essential nature.”
If you really struggle to find any way to judge favorably, know this: This Yid undoubtedly wants nothing more than to follow the ways of Hashem, and if his actions fail to demonstrate this, he will certainly do teshuvah with love. When he does, his sins will be transformed into merits, and he will achieve incredible heights in service of Hashem!
It is important to make the distinction between the chitzoneus, the external actions of a Jew, and the pnimius, the inner essence of a Yid. Even if an action is bad; a Yid is never bad. Even if you hate the action; you can love the essence of the Yid, a pure and holy soul.
It goes without saying that this ahavas Yisroel is also crucial if our fellow Jew is not doing something forbidden but simply serving Hashem in a different way than you do. Even if you feel that your way is more correct and is a better pathway to the service of Hashem, it’s important to remember that אלו ואלו דברי אלקים חיים. Both this and that are the words of the living G-d. There is no ‘best’ way to serve Hashem; there is only the best way for you to serve Hashem!
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Issue 10.