We just finished the month of Tammuz, characterized by the power of sicha — the more conversational form of speech. Sicha is strongly connected to being a feminine koach. In fact, nine out of the ten potions of sicha that came into this world were given to women.
You may be reading this, whomever you are, and smiling at how much it resonates that nine portions of sicha — speech, were given to women.
But Torah is connected to sicha, and so is tefilla, so what exactly is sicha? What koach is inherent in it, and what does that have to do with women?
Sicha is the type of speech that involves talking for the sake of connection. It is not generally a purpose-driven speech. For example, if I want to get my point across to you, I’m probably going to use the style of speech called dibbur. Sicha, on the other hand, is the type of conversation that meanders between two people, each making space for the other’s perspective. It schmoozes and flows this way and that way, offering people a chance to chat for the sake of chatting with each other. Think of the type of speech involved in a direct, clearcut psak — sicha is the opposite. Making space for the other, by connecting, receiving input, and allowing another to develop, is especially related to the feminine koach of being a mekabel.
So much of a woman’s avodah revolves around her ability to make space for another. On a biological level, she makes space for a new life to develop inside her. On an emotional level, she intuits when to speak and when to just listen, making space in the conversation and allowing the other to get to where they need to go. In the family setting, the woman oversees so much of the atmosphere of the home, curating the space in which those close to her can be and thrive.
Specifically because a woman has the koach and capacity to make space to help others develop, it makes sense she’s given nine portions of the type of speech designated exactly for that!
I experience this sometimes during bedtime, when my little girl is trying to get me to stick around a few minutes longer, and says, “‘Wait, let’s talk about our day.” I melt and concede those few extra minutes. My child asks not because she specifically cares about the details of my latest chaburah, or which new spice at Trader Joe’s I think Abba will be excited about, but because she wants connection, and sicha is the vehicle for that.
This koach for sicha to be the conversational agent of connection extends beyond the ‘female’ realm, into the national realm wherein we, Knesses Yisroel, are considered the ‘feminine’ vis a vis HaKadosh Baruch Hu. When we say ‘Ma ahavti Torasecha, kol hayom hi sichasi — how I love your Torah, all day long it is my sicha,” we, Knesses Yisroel, are voicing how much we adore receiving, internalizing, and developing His Torah into our lives. The Torah is our sicha throughout the day, meaning our lifestyles have become Torah-saturated. We have our own wishes and desires, but we orient our decisions around the Torah perspective. We make space for the Torah in the minutiae of our lives. It permeates our culture, and our conversations, and we rejoice in that.
When Yitzchok went ‘lasuach basadeh — to have a sicha with Hashem in the field,’ he modeled for us how to speak to Hashem, conversationally. That’s how we connect to Hashem on a deep, meaningful level. Daily sicha.
Though lighter and more indirect, sicha is a process of speech with a powerful presence in Yiddishkeit. Not just for women, or individuals, but for all of Klal Yisroel, furthering and deepening our relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu.
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Issue 90.
