Another form of connection to “etzem” — an intrinsic attachment to Hashem Himself, is through the avodah of Hishtokekus (yearning). If we approach our learning with a yearning to attach ourselves to Hashem, that is a sign that our Torah is for the proper reasons. (The other way as well, if our learning is motivated by a desire for honor or any other ulterior motive, we won’t have a hishtokekus for learning, because yearning can only come from a deep and intrinsic inner connection.)
The Leshem writes about the value of hishtokekus:
אמנם הוא הנה כל פעולותינו בתיקון הבירורים הראוים להאצילות הנה אינו ע”י שום פעולה מעשיית וגופניית אלא רק ע”י הרצון והתשוקה לבד כי כל רצון ותשוקה אשר יש מאתנו אל הקב”ה במעשה כל מצוה ומצוה וכן בעבודת התפילה ולימוד התורה כאשר נעשים בלב ונפש ורצון ותשוקה אליו ית”ש הנה אותו הרצון והתשוקה הוא עולה באצילות עצמו והוא הרצון הפשוט בלי שום מחשבה כלל אלא רק תשוקה לבד
“However, all of our actions in rectifying the birurim (spiritual refinements) that relate to the world of Atzilus are not accomplished through any physical or practical deed, but only through ratzon (will) and teshukah (yearning) alone. For every desire and longing that we have toward HaKadosh Baruch Hu in performing each mitzvah, as well as in the service of prayer and Torah study — when these are done with heart, soul, will, and longing toward Him, blessed be He — that very will and yearning ascend into Atzilus itself. It becomes a pure, simple will, without any thought at all — only pure yearning.”
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Issue 57.