Spiritual שכל דקדושה Intelligence

Yidden share strategies that helped them get closer to Hashem, and stay there.

חי יעלה בהר השם ומי יקום במקום קדשו

We all have unique yetzer haras and the most important study of your life will be learning how to fight yours so that you can experience the joys of kedushah, emunah and deveykus. Every time you try a new strategy, whether it works or not, you are developing your “Sechel Dekedushah,” or spiritual intelligence. If it works, you have a new tool for life. If it doesn’t, then you learned that this tool is not for you, which is also a win. Knowing what does not work for you is a huge tool in itself!

The strategies and tools you discover in your battle against the yetzer hara are unique and valuable to you. These are the result of real-world avodah. These are the weapons you use to fight your yetzer hara. But why not share your weapons with other Yidden, in the hopes that they can use them as well? You never know, you might be giving them a tool they would have never discovered on their own!

TYH has gathered some tools from Yidden around the world, and we are thrilled to present them in the pages ahead in the hopes that, just maybe, you’ll pick up one of these weapons in your next battle. We hope these will spark your own best thinking on how you can build your own arsenal of tools that will fight your yetzer hara.

Dovid Hamelech writes in Tehilim מי יעלה בהר השם ומי יקום במקום קדשו who will climb the mountain of Hashem, and who will remain standing in His holy place. We all want to get closer to Hashem, and to stay there. We hope these tools will help you climb the mountain, remain on the mountain, and climb up again after a fall.

Fleishiga Torah
Baruch Chaim

I love learning Torah that is easy and enjoyable for me to learn. I’d start my morning with a spread of a few minutes each of a few seforim I enjoyed, and then I was ready to start my work day.

The problem was that it didn’t “work.” What do I mean it didn’t work? Well, Hashem says בראתי יצר הרע ובראתי לו תורה תבלין I created the Yetzer Hara, and I created the Torah as the antidote to it. I work in the non Jewish world. My work can get a little shmutzy, and I need my antidote to get me through the day. In a moment of temptation, I needed to draw on the Torah, but I was not finding the Torah to be in reach when I needed it most. My antidote was not working!

At some point I had a breakthrough. The breakthrough involved some of my favorite foods: pizza, mozzarella sticks, lasagna, and ice cream. But the problem with eating milchigs is that I would be hungry again an hour later. Fleishigs, on the other hand, keep me full for many hours.

That’s when I realized that my morning Torah learning routine was milchigs. When I learn

something that is easy to read and naturally enjoyable for me, it doesn’t stick. I loved it at the time but it didn’t get infused into my brain, because my brain was hardly activated when I learned it. Easy come, easy go, perhaps.

That’s when I realized I needed me some fleishiga Torah. I needed to shvitz over Torah in the morning until it got trapped in my mind, stuck to my bones, and caught between my teeth for the day. I needed 6-hour Torah that would fill my mind with holiness as a 6 hour deterrent against my Yetzer Hara.

I have not learned bi’iyun in many years, so I decided to choose Gemara with Tosefos as my fleishiga Torah. I try to learn one Tosefos each morning, which really activates my brain and gets the antidote circulating through my system. For me, Tosefos is fleishigs, and I have found it to stick with me for much longer than my milchiga learning used to.

If I could make one suggestion to you, dear Yid, if you are a milchige Torah kind of guy, like I was, try adding some fleishiga Torah to your menu. Try to learn something that requires full activation of your brain to absorb, and I think you will find, as I did, that it stays with you for longer, and serves as the true antidote Hashem gave us to use against our Yetzer Hara.

Hidden Blessings
Yankle

The Gemara teaches us אין הברכה מצויה אלא בדבר הסמוי מן העין. Blessing is not found except in matters that are concealed from the eye. The tzadikim teach us that we can learn from here the importance of concealing the gifts that Hashem gave us, as opposed to flaunting them for everyone to see. The more modest we are, the more brachah we draw down.

והצנע לכת עם אלקך Walk modestly with your God. We tend to associate “Tzniyus/modesty” with the way we present the material blessings Hashem has given us, such as good looks, wealth, and possessions.

But there is another form of tzniyus we can have, and that is modesty in our spiritual blessings — our davening, Torah learning, mitzvos and chesed. Holding back from the desire to share the great deeds we’ve done, or the charity we gave, is how we keep our mitzvos authentic and altruistic — l’shem Shomayim. When we do a mitzvah solely for the sake of Hashem, and no one else needs to know about it, we are “walking modestly with your G-d.”

I used to think this was a character trait of the greatest tzadikim. Every time a tzadik passes away, the stories start to come out, all the hundreds or thousands of times they helped another Yid or the exalted spiritual moments they had that were only witnessed by a small number of people. “Walking modestly with your G-d” is a character trait of the righteous, and the fact that they didn’t flaunt their exalted levels is part of what made them great, drawing down blessings “in matters that are concealed from the eye.”

But who am I to hide my good deeds? I’m not a tzadik; nobody is writing a book about me! When I become a tzadik like him, I’ll keep my mitzvos quiet, but for now I’m a regular guy.

But then I started to notice the brachah pattern. When I did something good, and I bragged to people about it, it seemed to damage the mitzvah. Like it actually didn’t wind up being as great as I thought it was or I thought it would be. In an external way, my ego was stroked, and that felt good. But inside, it felt wrong, like it lessened the quality of the mitzvah.

Challenging myself to do a mitzvah only for Hashem was an important insight that really elevated my relationship with Hashem. There is something very special about doing a mitzvah l’shem Shomayim, and then resisting the inevitable urge to tell other people about it.

{DISCLAIMER: It’s not like the urge I had was to stand up in shul and say, “Look at me, I’m so great, I did this mitzvah!” No, that would be very haughty, and it would feel like bragging, so it obviously wouldn’t stroke my ego so much. Besides, then people will think I have ga’ava. That’s not the way to get kavod. The way to do it is to not tell people directly what you did, but rather to hint at it or facilitate in some indirect way that they learn on their own that you did it. This way they think you are a tzadik for doing the mitzvah itself, plus they think you’re a humble tzadik for not bragging about it. Then when they mention something, you quickly shrug it off and say, “Naa please it’s not me, it’s all Hashem, I just try to do what I can.” That’s the ABCs of real kavod.}

There is a lot that can be written here, but I think the most important point that’s worth sharing is this: it really deepened my relationship with Hashem to keep certain mitzvos to myself. And I’m not talking about headline-grabbing mitzvos. I don’t do those. (Or maybe I really do, but I want you to think I’m being humble.) I’m talking about simple things. A good davening here or there, a little chesed, or tzedakah, or an accomplishment in kedushah or dveykus.

It makes the mitzvah more special. It makes me feel that I have something special with Hashem. It keeps me in check to make sure I don’t spiral into a routine of following the mitzvos that bring me the most credit or honor, and that I am not motivated by compliments or pressure.

Try it. The next time you feel tempted to share a mitzvah that you did — whether you consider it to be “big” or “small” — try to hold yourself back. Instead, whisper to Hashem: “This one stays between me and You.”

Follow the Script
Zaidy Pnimiyus

If talking to Hashem freely is hard for you, you can follow a structure to guide you through it.

I am completely sold on the idea that one of the most powerful tools we have is to talk to Hashem directly. But when I have tried to do it, it feels so awkward, like I’m just trying to talk to someone without context. So I saw that Rabbi Arush recommends breaking your hisbodedus time into four segments:

1. Start with Gratitude. I spend time thanking Hashem for all the gashmiyus He has given me, for all my friends and family, for my strengths that I can use to help others, for the ability to learn and fulfill Torah and fight my yetzer hara, and for the ability to speak to Him directly.
2. Do a Cheshbon Hanefesh. Is there an area in the past 24 hours that I tripped up in my kedushah or other important spiritual area, or hurt someone’s feelings? I have a teshuva moment. I ask Hashem for help and make a plan.
3. Freestyle Talk to Hashem. This is my chance to talk to Hashem about anything that is on my mind that I want His help with or just to get some clarity on. I can take as long or as short as I want with this.
4. End with Gratitude. Thank Hashem for the opportunity to speak to Him directly.

I do this daily after Shacharis Shemonah Esreh before I take three steps back, and I have found that it sets the tone for my whole day. Thank You Hashem.

Set a Notification
Simcha

If I don’t set a reminder, I won’t remember to do it!

Whenever I decide that I want to improve in any area, I don’t let that moment of inspiration go without turning the thought into action plan by setting a reminder on my phone. I know it sounds simple, maybe even obvious, but I can’t tell you how many times my good intentions were not actualized because I simply forgot about my commitment. Changing a habit is tough!

As an example, I wanted to be better about entering my house after a long work day with a smile and a sense of presence to be focused on my family. But it didn’t happen — until I set an alarm on my phone for a few minutes before 5 pm, reminding me to stop and refocus myself before getting home. If my good intention doesn’t become an alarm clock to remind me what I want to improve at the right time, it ain’t happening!

Thanks for Sharing
Nachman

I’ll share a quick idea that I use for myself. Let’s say I have yetzer hara thoughts. For example, I’m trying to do something, and then a voice comes in: “That’s stupid. You’re not good enough.” I use a simple phrase in my head: “Thanks for sharing.” I used to engage with every negative thought, trying to prove it wrong or justify myself. Now I don’t argue. I just acknowledge it — “Thanks for sharing” — and move on. It doesn’t change my plan.

For instance, I might say, “I’m going to start learning Zohar every day for Elul.” Then that voice pops up: “That’s stupid. You tried that last year.” My response? “Thanks for sharing. I’m going to do it anyway.” I first heard this phrase in the 12-step rooms. People share their experiences – sometimes positive, sometimes struggles. And no one argues back. The group simply says, “Thanks for sharing.”

That idea stuck with me. My yetzer hara has a job: to get up and tell me why I can’t make it, why I shouldn’t even try, why it’s a dumb idea. And my job is to say, “Thanks for sharing,” and then go do what I need to do.

Add Preservatives
Moshe

Learning after davening gives your Tefillah wings to fly.

About a year ago I was zocheh to spend a Shabbos in the 5 towns with the author of the B’yam Darkecha who came in from Bnei Brak. I went to the house he was staying in to have an audience with him and ask for a brachah, and at some point it was time to daven Mincha, so we made a minyan with the others who were there. After Mincha was over, he asked everyone to stay in the room, and he pulled out a gemara, and started teaching us a few lines of gemara.

And then he explained why he did this. When we daven, our tefillos need to navigate a “congested airspace” to ascend to Shamayim. There are all kinds of prosecuting entities that try to prevent our tefillos from being received. But the battle does not end when we finish davening. Even when we are done, we want to do whatever we can to make sure our tefillos are not hijacked by the klippos. The most powerful antidote to these klippos is limud haTorah, and for the Rebbe, the choice limud was gemara. He said learning gemara helps us create a kli, a spiritual vessel, to contain the light of our tefillos and protect them as they ascend to our Father in Heaven.

I later discovered that this is his practice in his shul in Bnei Brak — after every single tefillah, three times a day, the shul gathers around the Rebbe for a few minutes of gemara. There is a stack of small gemaros ready and waiting on the bimah, and each time they get through a few lines. The learning is simple, gemara and Rashi, the goal is the simple understanding of the gemara.

For some reason I decided to call this “adding preservatives.” When davening is over, I want to preserve and protect my tefillos, so I try to learn gemara or Halacha for even just 2 or 3 minutes to give my tefillah the protective vessel of limud haTorah to help power its ascent to Shamayim.