Question:
I really try living with emunah, and I know that whatever Hashem does is for my best. But I still find myself second guessing things I have done, feeling that I could and should have done things differently or better. Not only in regular life decisions but also in spiritual areas, I second guess myself, for example if I had learned in a different way, maybe I would have gained more from it, and so on. How can I internalize my emunah to be happy with the decisions I’ve already made?
Answer:
One can be one hundred percent sure that whatever happened to him is the best for him, as the Ramchal writes .”שכל מה שנעשה יותר טוב מזה לא היה יכול להיות”! Believe regarding everything that happened, that it could not have happened in a better way!
The reason why it is hard to internalize this is because deep down in our hearts we believe that we know what is good for us. We should try to switch this mindset, to tell ourselves time and again, “I do not know what is good for me! Only Hashem truly knows what is good for me!”
A good practical way to internalize this is by looking back at different experiences where we thought something was not good, and in the end it turned out to be great!
There are lots of famous stories to illustrate this, how people missed flights and were saved from a terrible fate, and so on, but we don’t need to look only for famous stories. Such things happen all the time in our own lives, in small things that we often don’t notice. Reflect on where this may have happened to you, where you thought you knew that something was good for you, and it did not work out the way you wanted it to, and later on you came to realize that the way it worked out was the best possible way. “That it could not have happened in a better way!
The same thing is in ruchniyus, we tend to think that for sure Hashem wants from us the avodah when it is full of pnimius and ohr, when our davening is passionate and our learning is totally focused. But the truth is, we don’t know what is good for us, we don’t know what avodah Hashem wants from us. He may want the avodah of katnus, when everything is going the exact opposite of what we would have wanted, and still we keep up our avodah, and we are mechazeik our emunah!
This is an amazing yesod that every Yid has to know: all you have to do is try your best, but the outcome whatever it shall be, is always the best!!
This article was found in Nekuda Tova Issue 42.
